Ah..... 2011

I am one of those make a list of the wonderful things and make a new list of all the wonderful things to accomplish on the 31st of each year. I know... I know.

This year, 2011, however has been a difficult one on levels that I NEVER thought I would face. Most of the hardship has not been directly CF related but side affects of CF. You know little things like, having to face a short sale or foreclosure as medical bills were pilling up, re-thinking my career and beginning the writing of a book, receiving a letter from Social Security that I owe $35,000.00 in overpayment of benefits, and much more personal family stuff.

All of this taught me so much. It has made me realize how strong my marriage is, how strong my faith and how strong I am while simultaneously teaching me how much more it can and will grow.

I want to sincerely show my gratude for all who have followed my journey over the past year. All who have shared in my sorrow, joy and life-changing challenges. I have been humbled by your support.

God has brought me to 2012 therefore He will bring me through it, no matter what obstacles arise!

Happy New Year!

~Doodlin'

The perfect Christmas gift!

Have you ever seen someone hurt from the inside out or even the outside in? Have you ever wished you could do something anything to ease their pain or suffering? What if I told you that you could ease the outside pain which would ease the inside pain by donating a few dollars, would you do it? Really....think about it.....


It isn't often that we can do something to help right now. Most anguish is deeper than skin. Here is an opportunity to help right now in real life. While you will not be solving all their problems you will be helping to ease their pain both inward and outwardly. Really...... think about it.......


This would also make a wonderful Christmas gift for someone who has everything or even as a family.


I want surgeries for Christmas


For more information about the organization written about in "I want surgeries for Christmas" visit Dr. Hodes website


~Doodlin'

Poking Away at Perfection

Today marks exactly one week since I have started incorporating the new insulin into my routine and I have to say I am doing okay with it. Not perfect but okay. If you missed what's going on, click here, for the backstory.

The new insulin is very quick acting, which is something I am not used to and that has been an adjustment. I started off giving the insulin based on what I was going to prepare, then preparing said meal, only to end up with low blood in the middle of my meal, which if you have or know someone with diabetes you know that it can cause you to eat more because of the way low blood sugar makes you feel. This low blood sugar over-eating causes a spike in blood sugar because you ate more than you anticipated and didn't give enough insulin to cover the additional intake. See the viscous cycle here?

I quickly figured out to make my meal and just before I put the food in my mouth to give the insulin. This method works beautifully if I am home or in an environment I feel secure in. However, if I am not secure or at a restaurant, driving while snacking, immersed in work/school studies, etc I completely forget all together. I am really trying to figure out different ways to "remind" myself to test my blood sugar and then take the insulin based on what I am going eat. Practice makes perfect, right?!

My biggest reward is that my blood sugars ARE starting to be controlled. I am having less really high readings and am starting to feel better. I have more energy, feeling less sluggish after meals and way less moody. I knew I wasn't going to have this perfected immediately and have given my self grace about it. If I didn't I would feel like a failure becoming frustrated resulting in giving up. I have also recognized that no matter how perfect of a routine I follow it might not be enough, our bodies chemistry is at times unpredictable, all I can do is do my best!

If you're new to CFRD or diabetes, don't give up. Continue to work with your care team to figure out what is right for you. You'll feel so much better.

I will continue to poke away at getting this diabetes thing under control and mingled into my lifestyle.

~Doodlin'

CF, Children, Adoption... Oh My!

As a CF'er who is married and has been contemplating raising children with my spouse I know exactly how it feels to be judged on whether we are fit to parent based on health. However, I seem to have a lot of "conditions" for parents with CF. Things like, what's their individual prognosis, are they pre or post transplant, how stable is the marital relationship, what's their financial situation, etc...etc...etc.. Maybe this stems from working with adoptive parents and knowing what scrutiny they go thru and thinking that maybe those with terminal diseases should go thru the same sort of thought process. But then when I take a step back to really think the issue thru I become appalled to think that my God given right to parent/mother is with conditions of my physical being rather than on my ability to love, nurture, discipline, tend to and teach.

There is much debate in the CF realm about whether a CF'er should raise children regardless of how they enter a family. To be completely honest, I have questioned this myself. Particularly with adoption. An adopted child has already experienced so much loss in their small lifetime that subjecting them to the possibility, a high possibility I might add, that they'll experience another devastating loss is very unsettling to me. With a biological child the loss is still just as devastating but without all the background baggage/loss. This compounded with things like, is the CF'er married or are they single and attempting to raise a child alone and battle CF, what type of support system do they have in place.

There is little to no information out there about having CF and having children. I mean z.e.r.o. I feel like those who have braved the storm have so much to teach those of us who really need some answers or at least a road map of sorts on how to find information.

How does one decide? What if we choose adoption and are never chosen or are declined due to my health. What if we become pregnant and shortly after I pass away leaving my husband devastated by loss with a new baby to raise? What if... what if....

Is anyone guaranteed a specific amount of time?

Normally, I would brush of all the 'what if'ing' and make my decision but this decision is huge. It affects not just two adults who can rationalize but also a potential child. A innocent child, who had no choice in the matter.

B and I said we would give it 5 years of marriage before we really thought about children. We are here as of Sept. 3rd. We are talking and the more we bring to the table the less we have answers for.  Quite frankly, I don't know if we had all the answers that making this sort of decision would be easy because of how much unkown is really there. We'll never know the exact day/time of my passing until it happens, we don't know if a cure will be found in my lifetime, we don't know what medical advancements will come about that could make CF equivalent to asthma. The list goes on and on.......

We want to make a decision that is based on the most current information we possibly can and to fully be at peace with our decision. We are having genetic testing done to fully understand that aspect. I have done a few medical tests to understand how my body would handle pregnancy. Should we decided to forgo attempting to have children biologically we have found that domestic adoption is really our only route due all the requirement of international adoption and medical. Which doesn't turn us off to adoption in the least but places an aspect I am not familiar with which brings feelings of fear, having a birth mother pick which family their child goes to is really hard for me to swallow, it terrifies me that they might look over us because of the CF (after we have paid thousands).

Or, do we pray for peace in knowing that the two of us is enough.

Any insight is welcomed, whether you have CF or not. 

A Week fo Giving Thanks: Day Six

I have been trying to avoid being thankful for one person as I truly am thankful for so many. However, I can't hold back, I have to give note to a very special someone. My husband.

I am beyond thankful for him. He is the guy I hoped I would find. His qualities are gold standard. I am thankful he choose me and that he saw beyond the frightened-bully exterior. Of all the ridiculous outlandish things I have done I am so thankful I didn't sabotage this relationship.

Thankful for B, for loving me, even in the darkest of dark days.

~Doodlin'

A Week of Giving Thanks: Day Five

I am thankful for a day that not just allows us to reflect on our lives but to reflect on what we are blessed with. Reflecting is important if moving forward with a fresh foot is the goal. Thanksgiving day gives me the opportunity to do just that; reflect.

This years reflection brought memories of joy and pain. Joy from all the amazing people and experiences I have been blessed with and pain from all the opportunities I have let pass by. My reflections have helped me form a thought for the future; turn pain into purpose.

I am thankful I had a whole-turkey-cooking-afternoon to reflect.

~Doodlin'

A Week of Giving Thanks: Day Four

I am thankful for love and forgiveness.

Without these two abilities I would be a nasty woman who appears ions older then I truly am. I am, however, a very lucky lady. I have many who send their love to me by way of prayer, thoughts, phone calls, emails, blog posts, social media, and the like. I am so incredibly thankful for this love. There are days when evil slips its way into my brain and heart filling it with despair but with one prayer God forwards me all your love, lifting me up, high enough for a breath of fresh to carry on. Thank you!

Forgiveness is something that I have only recently been able to fully whole-heartily do. Let me tell you, it is so freeing. It has set me free from so much stress, baggage and just peer ugliness. I am so thankful for it. I am thankful it only took me 28 years instead of a lifetime to learn and I am thankful that forgiveness for my wrong-doings is possible. I have been humbled many times by forgiveness.

~Doodlin'