Striving to Live in The Moment

It's been a marvelous week. Truly.

The weather here in the Pacific Northwest has been unbelievable, my daily meditation and yoga has afforded me new calmness and by being complaint with my meds I feel so good.

Part of my meditation is to focus on the present moment without assumptions, judgements, or comparision. This tactic has allowed me to take each day for what it is without feeling the urge to rush through it. I'm not abandoning today because I'm focusing on tomorrow. I've been living right here, in this very moment.

I'm realizing how much stress I place upon myself. Instead of taking on each task individually I'm executing a task but creating anxiety over the next. For example, while vaccuming I'm already mentally moving down the to-do list and creating (in my mind) anxiety about the list. Sort of like it's all gotta get done today. Truth is, more than half of my to-do list on any given day would not be earth-shattering if not completed. No one but me would know it didn't get done.

Just realizing all this is helpful, to me anyway. Mediation is forcing me to slow down, to examine closely what's worth stressing over. I have to say it makes each day a tad more manageable. I feel slightly less stressed.  I look forward to what each day holds instead of the self-inflicked to-do list.

I've been able to place the stress where it belongs and do things that are beneficial to me physically and mentally. Sure, the to-do list didn't get any shorter but I'm happier and feel more at peace. The laundry, dishes, and whatever else can wait, I've got a life to live.

Living with calmness instead of urgency, living in peace instead of turmoil, living right now instead of in the past or future. That's what I'm striving for within each moment.

~Doodlin'

Seeking Calmness While Overwhelmed

I've been juggling so many balls that I'm starting to lose track of how many I've got, in fact, as I look around some are lying on the ground while others are sky high, but no time to pick-up the grounded ones and catch the falling ones simultaneously.

I do this. It's my own fault. When I have periods of being sick and not physically being able to manage anything but my daily medical needs I then find myself over-committing when I'm well. This is neither good for me or those whom I'm making the commitment. I'm not able to do any one thing with 100% of my ability or energy.

When I look at giving things up I become even more overwhelmed and ticked at myself for placing myself in this position once again.

The activities that I participate in are things that I delight in, that bring me joy, that gives me an opportunity for personal growth, that for the most part have little to do with CF which gives me a sense of normalcy. I've gotten to know so many wonderful people that I would not have otherwise.

Missing meetings, forgetting to call someone, being late to appointments and not responding to emails is not okay with me. The reality is that something has to change. I owe it to those whom I'm making the commitment and to myself. They deserve 100% of me.

I've began to incorporate meditation into my daily morning routine. The idea of mindful mediation has always intrigued me. I started a few weeks ago with 5 minutes of mediation. To allow myself a calm collected beginning to my day. This week I've increased the meditation time to 10 minutes along with 10 minutes of Hatha yoga.

I do recognize that this just adds another "activity" to my already crazy-can't-fit-one-more-thing schedule. But this activity I believe to be essential, like breathing and food.

During the past few weeks of doing just 5 minutes I felt a sense of structure, core calmness, ability to face the days tasks, my sanity and a renewed confidence. I think adding another 5 minutes and the element of yoga will only emphasize the already established changes.

So, while I'm overwhelmed I'm learning to remain calm, to restructure, to quite my mind and the let world be for 10 mintues and to warm my body up during the yoga to conquer the day.

I.can.do.this

~Doodlin'