Recognizing 7 years of marriage. September 3, 2013
He's just so darn handsome when he's doing what he loves.
A little weekend trip to Newport, Oregon. Taken a few hours after completing my 10 miles!
~Doodlin'
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
With a Heavy Heart
This last year has been particularly hard. I have watched far too many gain their angel wings. It breaks my heart each and every time. It never gets easier. Ever. In fact, it gets harder. The older I get the more friends I lose.
My heart is heavy for them, for their families, and for the ones who love them to infinity and beyond. As I write this post another CF'er is preparing to say goodbye. To give final hugs, kisses and I love you's. They are understanding on a very real level what dying is. They are way too young for this experience. They still have so many dreams, goals, hopes and want-to-do's.
This life we're given is so temporary. The same God who gives us breath is the same God who takes it. I know God has a plan for every one of his creations whether we believe it or not. I believe God is good. Even amongst all this suffering God is good and just. I pray that those who have lost their battle in this life have gained a full understanding of God's grace. The God has shown them what their lives meant and how it glorified him.
I still grieve their loss. I still feel a heavy burden as a life ends.
I promise to keep fighting. To keep after a cure. Its all I can do. Until we meet again dear friends know you'll never be forgotten.
~Doodlin'
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Mo'orea, Sharks, Dolphins, Stingray and more....
Last time I left you with a some what gloomy post so to make up for it I wanted to tell you that my life is amazing despite a few rough patches. In November, B and I went on the vacation of our dreams. Many people helped make this trip happen, from the doctors who rescued me with medication right before I boarded the plane to those who helped financially.
We've all seen the picquese scene of turquoise blue ocean water with fancy little huts extended out into the ocean. Well, thats just right where we found ourselves at on the morning of November 2nd. I had an entire suit case full of meds but I vowed that I would find peace on this trip. Peace with the craziness of a life with a terminal illness. I think I found it.... the trick is to use my muscle memory when the seas get rough again!
Mo'orea, French Polynesia
The beauty is beyond real. The 82 degree average temperature warmed my weary bones. The sounds of the ocean lapping against the shore placed me in a state of absolute calmness.
We took the plunge as soon as they took us to our over-water bungalow. The water was SCREAMING my name.
Just look at this sunset. I don't know how your spirits can't be uplifted with a view like this. I sort of had a huge revelation watching this sunset. God allows all life to begin and he beautifully takes it. When my time comes I hope those who love me will have this sunset in their vision. A sign of a life wonderfully lived in full color.
Yes, ladies and gents! I ROCKED the g-tube. I made that decision along time ago, I am beautifully imperfect. The fact that I have a few scares and the toobie are not gonna slow me down. Everyone on this planet is insecure about something, so let's get over it. Let's see each other for who we are, what our hearts are about and not what our physical being appears like. Plus beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My hubby loves me and my imperfect body!
Sharks and Stingray, Oh My!! I have to admit I was a bit terrified during the boat ride out to visit with these awesome sea creatures. B was beyond excited. Swimming with sharks is a bucket list item for him. The bad part, he now wants to have a close encounter with a Great White. Lord help me!!
My dream since I can remember is getting close and personal with a bottle nose dolphin. I even had my room painted ocean blue with boarder wall paper of dolphins. Its a known fact that I love dolphins. A huge thank you to those who made this possible, you know who you are!
We've all seen the picquese scene of turquoise blue ocean water with fancy little huts extended out into the ocean. Well, thats just right where we found ourselves at on the morning of November 2nd. I had an entire suit case full of meds but I vowed that I would find peace on this trip. Peace with the craziness of a life with a terminal illness. I think I found it.... the trick is to use my muscle memory when the seas get rough again!
Wishing I could transport myself back to this heavenly hammock!
We lived in and on the water for 7 days! The ocean is sort of magical. Its calming, yet invigorating. My lungs thrived on the salty air. I began to feel good again even with having been placed on antibiotics just before leaving Oregon.
 |
| For anyone wondering, B is a huge U of O Ducks fan!! In case this photo left you lost. |
My dream since I can remember is getting close and personal with a bottle nose dolphin. I even had my room painted ocean blue with boarder wall paper of dolphins. Its a known fact that I love dolphins. A huge thank you to those who made this possible, you know who you are!
(Goodness, I love this man!)
In the end, you were able to let go. Let go of the pile of bills awaiting money that may never come, the laundry that's in piles, the emails and phone calls that probably won't be returned, the looming threat of early death, the possibility that having a family might not be our path, all the stress that this life places upon us. We got back to a place of thankfulness, silliness, appreciation, love, adventure, and each other.
Until next time! But until then life is a blessing. This space that I call life is truly amazing. God is forever good.
A big THANK YOU to my in-laws, my mom, and my hubby for working his fingers to the bone so that we could have this experience. I love you all!!
As a side note, the pink top and straw hat that I'm wearing is because the antibiotics that I was on made me sensitive to the sun. I didn't want to burn so I found this top and it helped prevent what could have been a nasty sun burn. Plus that hat is a very cute accessory for other outfits!!
~Doodlin'
Thursday, June 28, 2012
30 Year Reflections: Part I
PART I
You know the old saying "don't wish time away because it will get away from you" well there is a reason for some sayings. There is truth to it. I simply can't believe I am standing on 30's door step.
It feels like just a short few years ago I was eagerly anticipating starting Junior High (middle school). I remember all the friends I made in elementray and how we or most of us were transfering to the same junior high. I was starting to get a bit boy crazy, in fact I had developed a crush on a certain someone who held my hand at our end of the year 5th grade party. I remember some fantastic games of wall-ball, tether-ball, four square and all the great tricks I had learned on the monkey bars.
Ah, the simplicity of those years.
I also remember another story. A story of many missed school days. A plot that included many many days/nights in a hospital bed, wishing I could be outside playing with my friends. A story that includes children being mean, making fun of me and down-right harrassing me all because I had CF. A disease they didn't grasp and a disease that their parents didn't want to take the time to understand thus influencing their children's mean spirited ignorance. But I was 10. I was a mere child whose feeling where deeply hurt because I couldn't understand the hatred, the meanness, the fear they held.
Ah, the simple-complexity of those years.
Time marked on. Much of the time without me knowing. One thing that I can say for myself is that time is a great healer. Many of those children who were mean, started to learn (though school and their parents) that CF wasn't scary. Wasn't something they needed to fear. Some became my friends.
My health also started to make a small but miraculous changes for the better. The medical advancements were starting to really take a running start. Many drugs were introduced that dramatically changed the quality of life for so many. I was begining to participate in school sports. I was able to do so much more than I ever had before. The trips to the hospital became less frequent.
While I was becoming more of a teenage and leaving behind more and more of my child-like behaviors, some truths remained etched on my soul.
Early death. succumbing to an terminal illness.
While I knew God, I didn't believe Him or trust Him. Not yet anyways. I also didn't believe that the new drugs that were currently making me feel like a rock star would last or have any bearing on my longevity.
I was a difficult person a lot of the time. But a few folks never left me. They never gave up on me. Even when I began to sabotage the relationships they pushed forward, they carried the strength for me, they saw past the rough exterior.
If I knew then what I know today, I would not have let time just march on by.
~Doodlin'
You know the old saying "don't wish time away because it will get away from you" well there is a reason for some sayings. There is truth to it. I simply can't believe I am standing on 30's door step.
It feels like just a short few years ago I was eagerly anticipating starting Junior High (middle school). I remember all the friends I made in elementray and how we or most of us were transfering to the same junior high. I was starting to get a bit boy crazy, in fact I had developed a crush on a certain someone who held my hand at our end of the year 5th grade party. I remember some fantastic games of wall-ball, tether-ball, four square and all the great tricks I had learned on the monkey bars.
Ah, the simplicity of those years.
I also remember another story. A story of many missed school days. A plot that included many many days/nights in a hospital bed, wishing I could be outside playing with my friends. A story that includes children being mean, making fun of me and down-right harrassing me all because I had CF. A disease they didn't grasp and a disease that their parents didn't want to take the time to understand thus influencing their children's mean spirited ignorance. But I was 10. I was a mere child whose feeling where deeply hurt because I couldn't understand the hatred, the meanness, the fear they held.
Ah, the simple-complexity of those years.
Time marked on. Much of the time without me knowing. One thing that I can say for myself is that time is a great healer. Many of those children who were mean, started to learn (though school and their parents) that CF wasn't scary. Wasn't something they needed to fear. Some became my friends.
My health also started to make a small but miraculous changes for the better. The medical advancements were starting to really take a running start. Many drugs were introduced that dramatically changed the quality of life for so many. I was begining to participate in school sports. I was able to do so much more than I ever had before. The trips to the hospital became less frequent.
While I was becoming more of a teenage and leaving behind more and more of my child-like behaviors, some truths remained etched on my soul.
Early death. succumbing to an terminal illness.
While I knew God, I didn't believe Him or trust Him. Not yet anyways. I also didn't believe that the new drugs that were currently making me feel like a rock star would last or have any bearing on my longevity.
I was a difficult person a lot of the time. But a few folks never left me. They never gave up on me. Even when I began to sabotage the relationships they pushed forward, they carried the strength for me, they saw past the rough exterior.
If I knew then what I know today, I would not have let time just march on by.
~Doodlin'
Friday, October 21, 2011
What's with the name?
It has been brought to my attention that many of you don't know why I sign off here with Doodlin'. Today I unravel the mystery.....
As a little girl who came from a family who worked hard but had little money I spent lots of time of my Nana, my mom's mother, as her babysitting service was free of charge. My younger brother and I spent countless days and nights with Nana and Papa as children. They had a small piece of property that housed dogs, chickens, pigs, and horses. My brother and I loved to play outside in the pasture, chasing whatever we could. We made all sorts of fun things on the property with our tricycles and wagons. I even convinced my brother to touch the electric fence, I made him believe it was fun....mwhahahaha :)
Being that we spent so much time with them meant that they had lots of time to come up with ridiculous nicknames. The one that stuck on me was one that is still used between Nana and myself. You see, when staying with Nana and Papa, Nana would sing (yes, sing) a morning tune upon our awakening that some how included our name. For me it went a little something like....
Kari Doodlin' Dollarhyde woke up one morning feeling fine............
After that first line she would change the rest of the chorus to include what might be happening that morning or what had happened the evening before. The best part of the song was that we got to sit on her lap while she rocked us. Nana is not a stick lady, Nana has meat on her bones and I loved that. I love that I could curl up in her lap and be surrounded by her. I felt safe there. I still feel safe there even at 29 yrs. I have a time or two in my adult years needed her lap to escape the world's and CF's cruelty.
There is truly no love like a grandmother's love. Thanks for the many hours of rocking Nana. I love you!
~Doodlin'
As a little girl who came from a family who worked hard but had little money I spent lots of time of my Nana, my mom's mother, as her babysitting service was free of charge. My younger brother and I spent countless days and nights with Nana and Papa as children. They had a small piece of property that housed dogs, chickens, pigs, and horses. My brother and I loved to play outside in the pasture, chasing whatever we could. We made all sorts of fun things on the property with our tricycles and wagons. I even convinced my brother to touch the electric fence, I made him believe it was fun....mwhahahaha :)
Being that we spent so much time with them meant that they had lots of time to come up with ridiculous nicknames. The one that stuck on me was one that is still used between Nana and myself. You see, when staying with Nana and Papa, Nana would sing (yes, sing) a morning tune upon our awakening that some how included our name. For me it went a little something like....
Kari Doodlin' Dollarhyde woke up one morning feeling fine............
After that first line she would change the rest of the chorus to include what might be happening that morning or what had happened the evening before. The best part of the song was that we got to sit on her lap while she rocked us. Nana is not a stick lady, Nana has meat on her bones and I loved that. I love that I could curl up in her lap and be surrounded by her. I felt safe there. I still feel safe there even at 29 yrs. I have a time or two in my adult years needed her lap to escape the world's and CF's cruelty.
There is truly no love like a grandmother's love. Thanks for the many hours of rocking Nana. I love you!
~Doodlin'
Friday, June 18, 2010
Tools for sanity
I have been finding myself reflecting back on childhood memories and experiences. These thoughts are typically triggered by a sound, taste and of late reading. I am sure by now you all know about the movie 'Where The Wilds Are'. Well, B grew up reading this story and was really excited to see this childhood favorite recreated in a movie. Since watching it I too have been drawn to remembering some of my personal favorites, likes of:
Shel Silverstein
Beverly Clearly
Dr. Seuss (Oh, the places you'll go!)
I could go on and on and on. The reason I have these fantastic memories of great stories is because I was encouraged to read. Growing up in a hospital or sick at home, you become bored with TV. Literally your brain can no longer process the images! But I always found comfort in a good story, whether a paragraph long or a bazillion page novel. I could take myself outside of my current situation onto an island of treasure, on a boat with sailors, or to the end of a side walk where other children go, there was no telling the places I'd go.
At times, any world but my own, is what has kept me sane. As adults we escape reality by having a drink after a stressful day, workout at the gym, blog, etc. Children us the avenue of make-believe and thru projecting themselves into a story that resembles a world they wish for. Reading is such a powerful tool for sanity.
~Doodlin'
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