The D.I.S.H

The latest gossip on my lung pain mystery is that I have Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis or D.I.S.H for short. The thought process is that the D.I.S.H is contributing but not the only reason for the pain. 

D.I.S.H is a hardening of ligaments in areas where they attach to your spine. In my case, this makes a ton of sense. I've been seeing a Chiropractor for sometime now because my upper and middle back, specifically along my spine, feels very stiff. According to my Physiatris, this can present as lung pain or feel like lung pain due to the vicinity of the areas and is very common on right side. It's thought that I've developed the condition from prolonged Vitamin A use along with having Polyarthritis. 

The inflammation in my lungs from the scarring and long term affects of CF related infections, along with D.I.S.H, appear to be the majority of where my lung pain is stemming from. It feels good to have an idea of what this sudden onset of pain most likely is from. 

However, D.I.S.H is not reversible unfortunately. Once the ligaments begin to harden there isn't much that can be done. We can do a few things to ease the inflammation associated with it as well as prevent other ligaments from hardening. 

To Learn More About D.I.S.H: Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperotosis

I've added a few new "medications" to my already ridiculous regime and thus far it seems to be working. I still have a dull pain but it's totally manageable day-to-day. I've begun exercising again, which is amazing. I release a lot of stress and anxiety through the use of regular exercise that living without for awhile had me feeling like I was locked in a small cage.

So, now you're update on the last gossip!

~Doodlin'

Lung Pain: The Mystery

Man, life has been exhausting lately. It's safe to say that 2017 hasn't started off the way I had hoped, nor did 2016 end well either. In December, I was hospitalized with lung pain. We started the admission off like any other stay with IV therapy, chest PT and rest. We also decided to have a bronchoscopy done to see what the lungs looked like and to "flush" them with a antibiotic rinse. I have never had a bronchoscopy, so I was extremely nervous. The idea of "flushing" my lungs was a PTSD trigger and had me thinking I'd feel like I was drowning. To be honest, it was one of the easiest procedures I've had done in a very long time. Easier than a PICC line placement, seriously!

Nothing majorly unexpected came back for the bronchoscopy. My lungs do have some scaring and diseased areas along with testing positive for Aspergillius (ABPA). Besides that, for being 34 w/ CF, they looked pretty good.

Treating the Aspergillius (ABPA) isn't as straight forward as one would think. Due to a few other medications I'm taking I'm hesitant to start treatment. I would have to stop taking my Orkambi, which is a drug I've waited my entire life to be on and the side affects during the first 3-months were horrendous. I really don't want to go through all that again. In addition, there is no guarantee that treatment will work.

That's all well and fine, but why am I experiencing this excruciating lung pain? Is it Pleuritic pain? Is it just random inflammation? Is it the ABPA?

WHAT IS IT? WHY?

The unknown is so hard for me to cope with. Being active is what keeps me sane and with this pain I can't run or do my exercise machine regularly. Heck, some days I can't even function normally because every breath is painful.

After a few days inpatient I was cleared to go home to complete IV therapy thru home healthcare. Being home always brightens my spirits. Treatment at home went smoothly and as expected. I continued to have lung pain, some days it was excruciating while other days it was hardly noticeable. On the days is was minimal I tried to get motivated to go for walk or do my exercise machine, but those days were rare.

The holidays came and went and so did the lung pain. My life was irregular, no real schedule or regime. I was drugged up on pain meds when it was intolerable. The feeling of no control is a helpless place. I began to recognize that my depression was getting worse. The unknown of why this was happening along with no outlet, no running or brisk walking, to burn off the frustration and helplessness was taking a toll.

This cycle went on until late January I woke up in the middle of the night in tremendous pain. I tried to muster through the night so that I could call my doctors first thing in the morning but I couldn't, it was too much. Hubby took me to the ER, where a CT scan revealed a pocket of fluid in my right lung. I was admitted for another stay.

The first thought was that I had pneumonia, but we sort of ruled that out since I was not exuding other  symptoms related pneumonia, like a fever; only the fluid in the lung. A plan was put in place to receive another round of IV antibiotics, along with pain meds and medications that treat nerve pain. The hope is that my body will take care of the fluid. I'll either cough it up and out or it'll be absorbed.

Here we are at present day. I'm still experiencing lung pain with no idea of why. I'm still largely depressed. However, I'm pushing though. I've start Pulmonary Rehabilitation, I'm doing my exercise machine 2x a week and I ran/walked a mile last week and will again this week. If the pain is going to be there then I have got to figure out how to work with it. Sort of like working with a co-worker you aren't fond of. It's painful at times but you just push though.

Sometimes we have to accept the pain and use it to our advantage. Yes, running is painful, particularly due to the heavy breathing. But it fuels me. It pisses me off and I push harder. CF will not win. EVER. I will make this new normal benefit me and not destroy me.

My goal for 2017 was to run a marathon. It might take me longer to accomplish but it will happen. I will not cry one more tear over the thought of giving up on this dream. I will use that emotion to propel me forward; the pace might be slow but it will be forward movement.

This mysterious lung pain may never be 100% diagnosed and I have come to accept that. I've come back to a place that is hopeful. Each day is full of opportunity to do something; run, walk, yoga, etc.

This is my run/walk last week. I was smiling the entire time!!

We can use our circumstances to hold us back or propel us forward. I want to be propelled to the farthest point possible. Here's to hope and pursuing our goals!

~Doodlin'

Wash, Rinse, Repeat....

Much of the time I feel like I'm on a circular pattern in both health and exercise. Just like with our laundry cycle of wash, rinse, repeat; I, too, feel like my health cycles thus so does my exercise routine. 

It starts to get a tad maddening when you're cruising along, all seems well, you've got a nice routine going and BAM! I get sick or some new development in my health is found, throwing me completely off balance. I quickly find myself having to create a new pattern, a new routine and it takes time to adjust to these types of changes. In fact, I just start to get settled into my new routine or pattern only to be thrown out of balance; repeating the entire cycle over again. 

I notice it the most in my exercise routine/habits/pattern. I guess because I've had CF my entire life I've grown accustom to adjusting my life based on what's happening with my health. But as anyone who exercises regularly can confirm getting back on the wagon after a break or time away is extremely difficult. Its easy to get out of shape but twice as hard to get back into shape.

For me, getting back into shape also requires finding exercises I can do given my new state of health. A good example is that after I developed Pleurisy I was advised not to run, to give my lungs/chest time to fully heal. So, I had to find ways to do just that. I don't think I was very successful at it. I did yoga, lifted weights and tried to get my heart rate up but I just didn't feel the same as when I was able to run or jog. 

Hits like these that are on repeat make it really easy to throw in the towel and no one would blame me; except for me. If I feel like I can be doing better then it doesn't rest well in my heart and soul if I don't make changes to do it better. I convinced that I have just as much control over my health and overall well-being as my doctors and medications. 

After a few months off I made the decision to begin running again. Slowly. My goal is to just run 1 or 2-miles a couple of times a week over the next 4 weeks. It's winter, which means daylight is less and the weather is uncooperative most of the time. So there is no reason to push it. After 4-weeks I'll reevaluate, check in with my CF team and make adjustments as necessary. This is me doing better. This is me saving myself from going crazy. This is me attempting to stop the wash, rinse, repeat cycle that seems to be the trend.

~Doodlin'

Lookin' for the High

As a runner, there truly isn't anything quiet like the adrenaline high you get after crossing the finish line or achieving a set mileage/time goal. I feel so far removed from that feeling lately.

Last Friday night I found myself in the ER. I was running a fever, having chills, sweating profusely and my joints were very inflamed and painful. While I've experience this situation before, it's usually because of the serum sensitivity and happens with I'm on IV medications. However, this was different because I haven't been on IV's since 12/15/15.

I just feel like a hot mess lately. I feel good for about a week or so, then I'm right back to square one - feeling crapping. I haven't been able to keep a regular workout routine, which affects so much for me. My mood, my energy levels, my diabetes, my lungs, my depression, etc.... In the brief moments of feeling good I do go for walks or a small jog and when I'm feeling icky and painful I try to do at least 15 minutes of yoga. It isn't much but it's something.

Yesterday and today I am desperately missing the high. That runner's high. That feeling of great accomplishment. When the mind and body function as one and you are in awe of just how awesome your body is and how powerful your mind can be when focused.

I know I'll get back to that place. I have to - for my survival and the survival of those around me. Until then I'm holding on to this image.

2015 Fueled by Fine Wine - 

Finish Line!!

~Doodlin'

2016?! Where Did 2015 Go?

I'm in awe that we're eight-days into 2016. I feel like summer just left us but we're already thru all the Fall and Winter holidays. Just astonishing how quickly time goes by.

I've left this place and you all hanging for quite some time now. Last year was a great year. I accomplished a few goals, started a few new adventures and enjoyed the path thru it all. Here's a quick recap...

My biggest goal in 2015 was to live independently of my g-tube (feeding tube). I was successful in doing so from March until November 13th, when it was permanently removed. Yay! Generally, it takes anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months for the wound to heal but mine has surprisingly healed rather fast. I figured I'd be on the 6-month end of the healing process. It feels really good to have accomplished this goal. No more stressing about what to wear or how to wear something to conceal it. No more late nights trying to figure out why it's clogged and the machine won't stop it's retched beeping. No more additional insulin shots to cover the night feeds. No more smelly gross feeding formula. Just no more. Thankful.

Bryan and I also began the process of becoming certified Foster parents. We were approved in July and had our first sibling group placed on July 20th. What an eye opening experience. I knew it would be challenging. Oh. My. Goodness. I was stretched thinner than I've ever been in my life; both physically and emotionally. Each child that has come into our home we've gained so much from. They are teaching us about life. I pray they are learning from us as well but I do know they are opening our minds, hearts and home to things we couldn't have imagined.

In July, I finished my 3rd half marathon. It wasn't as successful as the previous half but I finished and that is what was important to me. This particular half difficult for me due to the terrain. We ran thru Oregon's wine country which aided in some awesome views but the amount of uphill was physically hard for me. However, I did cross the finish line!!

I'm looking forward to 2016 along with adventure it brings. I've got some goals floating around in my head and soul so we'll see where this year takes us.

~Doodlin'

Vernonia Half Marathon 2015

My goal for this 2nd half marathon was simply to beat my finishing from the 1st half last September. I'm happy and elated to report that on April 12th, 2015 I SMOKED my time.

This run felt amazing. No knee pain, no crazy fatigue, lungs held up wonderfully. Only issue was my toe nail rubbed on something inside my shoe and I might loose the dang nail. But, hey! that's a normal runners issue.

I will again repeat myself in saying that for me there really is nothing that compares to running in terms of confident building, chest physiotherapy and an over-all sense of well being.

I think that having a "finish line" or end point pushes me. Unlike with CF, I continue day-in and day-out to accomplish treatments, medications, etc but there is no true finish line. There is no cure. This makes it extremely taxing to continue to carry on. In contrast, with running I've got a finish line that I'm striving for. Months and months of training yet at the end I get to experience the runners high of physically crossing the finish. Of seeing a goal come to a close.

This day I accomplished my 2nd ever Half Marathon. It's these types of accomplishments I want to remember when my health is ailing and my strength is weakening.

~Doodlin'

Brushing Off the Cobwebs

This little place has a few cobwebs, geez! Funny how things get left behind as others start to nudge their way to the forefront. I do love this little place where my thoughts, feelings and heart can be laid out. Yet, there is so much in my life that I love and want to give my 100% towards, I just can't give 100% to everything all the time.

That being said, there are a few things that I must always devote my all to. My health, my marriage, and my family. My health must come before anything, because without it I can't function. I MUST keep up on my treatments, running and doctor visits. In addition my marriage is so very important to me. I work hard everyday to ensure that my spouse feels loved, secure, appreciated and wanted.

So many good things are in the works and I look forward to sharing all those amazing things with you all. God sure does work all things for our (my) good. It doesn't always feel that way, especially when we really really want something to go our way, on our timeline and with our desired outcome. However, that's not what is always best.

I can share with you that I will be doing another half marathon on April 12th. I feel very confident that I'll be healthy enough to participate. I've been training since the first of the year and finished the longest run in my training schedule this last Saturday (March 28th). I'm excited to get another half under my belt. I can't express just how much running has changed me. It helps me feel confident in areas of my life where I don't feel confident, it helps me take an active role in keeping my lungs clear of the mucus junk, gives me a healthy outlet, and soooo sooo much more.

My ever-so-sweet sister-in-law, Heather, has taken on the challenge for yet another year to head the Kari Doodlin' Great Strides Team. I'm a firm believer that support comes in many forms. She has chosen to support the funding a cure and she visits me when I'm in jail (hospital) with my ever do darling niece and nephew. I feel so grateful that she is the mother to my niece, nephew and wife to my brother. I also thankful we get along and feel enough love for each other to show our support. Thank you, Heather! I love you.

If you're interested in helping her help me you can make a tax-deductible donation here:
Team Kari Doodlin' Donation Page

~Doodlin'

Bucket List is One Item Shorter: Half Marathon Complete

I'm still in disbelief that I actually ran and completed 13.1 miles. I mean, healthy-non CF infected folk- struggle with running that many miles. I couldn't be prouder of myself. Yep, I'm tooting' my own horn.

I've learned so much about myself during all these years of running and training. The thing with running is that even if you have a running buddy you're still on your own. You must have the physical and mental strength to keep going. Sure, having a buddy adds a level of competition which can and does carry you but at the end of the day its just you, your body, your mind and a good pair of running shoes. I guess thats why I'm hooked on running. The self-esteem boost.

When I'm running I'm just like any other person. I'm normal in a weird way. I'm battling exhaustion, breathing, wanting to walk, etc-just like any other ordinary person. Sure, I've got a few tacks on the wall that are drastically different from the other runners, but they too have different tacks than I. Some are faced with age, some are running to lose weight and a better lifestyle, some are burning rubber to overcome injury and the list is endless. We all have our "issues". This is what makes me normal amongst all the other runners.

I was as well trained for this run as I could be given the past 12-months health issues. That said, the last 3 miles were grueling. My lungs felt amazing, I'd done my feeding for a full week leading up to the half, I only drank water for 3 days prior, I stretched my muscles the day before, etc. However, at around mile 8 or 9 my knee starting hurting. I just ran thru the pain to the next water station. It was then that I knew something was really wrong....but I wasn't ready to give up. We continued walking/running hoping the walking would help but it didn't in fact the pain got worse and worse. My usual pace is 11:30 minute miles, but with the knee pain we were more like 13:30 min/mile for the last 3 miles. I had in my mind that I wanted to finish under 3hrs, so the last 3/4 mile I ran, grimacing in pain the entire way. We finished at 2:58:34; just under 3 hours.

Many times during those miles when my knee pain seemed almost too much to handle, I thought of all my friends with CF who are facing end stage disease, waiting for new lungs, struggling with coping and so much more. There pain has no end in sight. If they can continue battling and remain hopeful then I had to finish for them. Even in unexpected pain I pushed through. I knew my pain was temporary. The finish line was in site.

Its funny because at approximately 12.5 miles my running buddy-my mother in law-says "I'm about ready to cry for you".

I looked at her with so much pain across my face and said, "don't you dare, I've still got over half a mile, I've got to keep my shit together...."

We ran in silence both reflecting on all the ups and downs of this journey. All the times I had to step back and play a deck of cards that CF dealt and how we'd pick up the pieces to start over again. Running 13.1 is not just a bucket list item its also a opportunity to prove to myself that I am capable of anything. CF can't take away my drive, passion, and determination if I don't let it. 

My grand finish was met with ugly sobbing. I cried for myself. I cried for all my friends who have passed away never getting an opportunity like this. I cried for all my friends who can barely walk around their homes with oxygen. I cried because their struggles have carried me when my body was too tired.

13.1.......just an item on a bucket list.

 ~Doodlin'

Delayed Goals

Ever since running the 10-mile portion of the Newport Half Marathon last September I've had my heart set on completing a full half marathon. In late November I found one that was close to home with a very appealing course-so I signed up!

I had no expectations on meeting a personal record or anything more than simply running and completing on my own accord. Thru out winter I had some ups and downs with my health which delayed training to some degree but nothing that was so severe that I thought I would have to place this goal on hold.

However, in April I found myself faced with a difficult decision whilst sitting in a clinic room. A trip to the hospital in hopes to stabilize or regain lost lung function or delay said hospital stay until after the half marathon. It might sound like a no brainer to some but for me it was a decision that took me 24-hours to make after consulting my husband.

You see I have a dream to run 13.1 miles. I don't know if this will be my only chance. I don't know if I'll find myself in a dire health situation that would cause me to not be able to ever accomplish this dream. However, the hospital... the medications... the treatment... will all be there should I choose to delay by two weeks.

I just wanted to be able to put my dreams first instead of my health. I get so tired of having CF come before nearly everything. I wanted it just this one time....

With that being said, living as long as possible in as good as health as possible for my husband, my mom, my brother, my dearest friends- is and will always be more important than any race or run. The high of accomplishing this small dream is nothing in comparison to all the amazing things those in my life bring me. I want to be around and healthy enough to enjoy life with them. So, just 24-hours after being in clinic I had my bags packed for the hospital.

I had made a game play to run/walk the Hippie Chick Half on Saturday, May 10, 2014. As the date quickly approached I began to become aware of just how weak my body was from being sick. The night before the run I made a call to not participate in any fashion. With my bodies weak form coupled with uncertain weather conditions I felt it was too much to risk this early after hospitalization and home IV's.

My dream is not crushed. Its simply delayed. My spirit is not broken just a bit bummed.

I will accomplished 13.1 miles!

~Doodlin'

What a Whirlwind

B and I moved into a brand new house that we've spent the past 5-months witnessing its construction. Its been stressful, its been fun and its thrilling to call it ours.

All the anticipation of moving into a beautiful new home has come and gone. We're starting to settle in and get back into a normal routine. During the great packing expedition I sort of lost my routine and felt off track for most of the last 2 months. I was keeping up on my treatments but my exercising was more sporadic than routine. Plus all the moving is down right physically exhausting, at least for me!

This week, though, I feel I'm gaining ground on rebuilding my routine. We're living in a new town which creates new opportunities for exploring new running routes. Since the home is new we still have a few finishing touches, like building a fence for our backyard. Until that is accomplished I have to walk the dogs a couple of times a day, which is as good for me as it is them.

This weekend is the MTJME 5K. I'm excited to run around my new little town for such a great cause. Then I'm only 4 weeks away from running my first Half-Marathon. I'm nervous that this move has greatly impacted my training but I'm still gonna make the attempt and if walking is what takes me over the finish line, then I'll take it.

I'm eager to leave the whirlwind behind and settle into life in the new place.

~Doodlin'

Something to Celebrate

I'm sure many of you get tired of hearing about me running. I'm sure many are asking the question "what's the big deal?" "how many times can someone be joyous about exercise?"......RIGHT?!

I ask the same questions and the answer never changes.

Because I can! 

Because someday I won't have the capacity to exercise!

I celebrate the simple fact that I can run, I can exercise, I can get down and push my bodies limits.

Almost daily, I read about someone with CF struggling to breathe. Daily, I read that someone I share a disease with has died.

When I'm running I feel alive. My muscles burn and my heart feels like its gonna leap from my chest but I feel so incredibly alive.

When I ache from CF I feel the exact opposite, I feel weary. Running gives me perspective and I celebrate that.

Each run- no matter the distance, gives me a reason to celebrate. I achieved my goal. Each successful training session is reason to celebrate. I can't tell you how many times I've been brought to tears just because I accomplish my training goal, there is no feeling like being alive.

What's your reason to celebrate?

~Doodlin'

5K Ghost Runner for More Than Just Me Foundation

On April 12th, 2014 I will be running a 5K around my neighborhood as a ghost runner for the More Than Just Me Foundation. I'm sure your wondering a few things.... Whats a ghost runner? What is the More Than Just Me Foundation?

The More Than Just Me Foundation (MTJM) is a great organization set up to help those with CF and their families. This foundation differs from the CF Foundation in that they support the patient and families directly rather than through funding research. Both aspects are equally important. MTJM is an active approach to assisting those in need.

Click here for more info on MTJM 

MTJM is hosting a 5k run in Florida, but since I'm in Oregon I will be running as a "ghost runner"; meaning I'll just run my little 5K anywhere that is convenient while others run in Florida. I'm seeking pledges in hopes to help those who are struggling with the financial side of CF related care. If you'd like to make a pledge to my campaign please click the link below:

More Than Just Me 5K-Pledge

I truly do think its important to support those who are struggling to pay for care. We can create new medications or new technologies to make life easier but if those who need it can't access them because of barriers such as finances then what good are they?

I look forward to seeing how much we can secure together. I'll be putting my feet to the asphalt along with $25 of my own dollars. Won't you help me help others with a $5 pledge? It's easy and only takes a few seconds: PLEDGE

~Doodlin'

Back in the Saddle….sort of!

Last week, despite feeling a bit crummy, I got swept away by all the "new year's resolution" workout pics on varies social media sites. I know… I'm not immune to peer pressure! I decided to get back in the saddle, er, lace up my running shoes. I decided to run 1-mile every other day for a total of three days. 

Wow! The first run back was ugly. I mean ugly. Its amazing to me how quickly we loose our fitness level. Sure, I've been doing yoga and weights but my goodness I was not prepared for what a slap in the face 3-months of non-running will do to ones fitness level.

I hacked, gasped and down right felt like I was never gonna catch my breath. But I did….eventually. The sweat poured off me despite the fact that the high that day was only 43 degrees. Down right ugly I tell you! I did get three days of 1-mile each under my feet. I am VERY eager to get back to where I left off and feel good after 5-6 miles, even though my fitness isn't to that level I can feel my muscles wanting it. 

But it might take longer that I really want. I ended up back in the doctors office Wednesday afternoon. I just feel crummy. I'm extremely tired most of the time, a slight increase in cough and night fevers. We settled on doing 15 days of oral antibiotics with a few days of rest.

I feel like its one foot forward and two steps back but I'm determined to get my running mojo back.

Tanner and I completing our first 1-miler! He's got WAY more stamina than I and he alone is responsible for our time of just under 10 minutes a mile. He was totally pulling me along and urging me forward to greatness. Such a good buddy!

~Doodlin'

No More Excuses

After completing my 10 miles in September and being on cloud nine for weeks, I've slacked. I'm still in disbelief that I actually ran 10 miles. seriously. Sure, I got sick and was on IV's but that's really not a good enough excuse. There is always something I could be doing. Strength training, yoga, or just walking. But I haven't or at least not regularly or with any consistency. I've tested the waters, I've dabbled. and shamefully, I've found every reason under the sun to not get my stride back.

Sometimes, the motivation to being regular with working out has to come from outside forces. Or at least this theory is true for me.I need someone to join me, this way I feel guilty for canceling or I just need someone to say "hey, lets sign up for this half marathon" and I on a whim say "yeah! that sounds fun."

So, now I find myself on the roster for the Hippie Chick Half Marathon for 2014. I don't think I can afford to make any more excuses. Thankfully, the run is in Spring of 2014. But I need to start doing something at least 3 times a week. I've got a workout plan that allows me to mostly be indoors until late January. Thankgoodness for a treadmill, youtube yoga and free weights.

I'm nervous and excited all wrapped into a holycowImightactuallyrunahalfmarathon ball of craziness.

NO MORE EXCUSES.

13.1 here I come............

~Doodlin'

Pushing the Boundaries

Being an active member of the Cystic Fibrosis community has been so empowering. It's truly inspiring to see so many carrying out their dreams;  educating us all about what endurance means, what waking up each day with a purpose looks like, and what it truly means to change a culture. Over the past ten years the culture of having CF has been changing. From being a victim of a life-shorting disease to one of making CF be the drive to excel and reach new limits.

Only after getting to know a number of those in the CF community did I really look at running as a way to life longer, truly. I saw a transformation in how healthy these people were, but I also saw how they endured even when CF had a mind of its own, which it often does.

This past week a video project that some in the CF community were apart of was released. It's aw-inspiring. It makes me want to reach for new heights. To say the heck with limitations and just push as far as I possibly can. I encourage you to watch. These CF'ers are flippin' amazing. I wanna be like them: one long distance at a time.

Living Xtreme Beyond Cystic Fibrosis

In my running endeavors I decided to attempt to run the 10-mile leg of the Newport Oregon Half Marathon.  On Saturday, September 14th I did it. I ran the farthest to date of 10 miles in 1:48. The run was gorgeous. We started out on pavement, worked our way to a gravel road along a Big Creek Reservoir and then to the beach for the last 4 miles. I knew going into this that the beach would be the most difficult part since I have never trained on sand, and it was. It was all mental and a number of times I wanted to walk but I didn't and I'm so glad I didn't. Running a crossed the 10 miles marker with Hubbs cheering on the sideline was so freeing.

I kept this goal under rapes because after the 10k in August I was sure I could add that much mileage in such a short time. I didn't want to over do it and cause injury or ware myself down and get sick. So I just continued to train as usual and when the day came I felt like I would know if I could do it or if I should wait. I wanted to be realistic.

So, now that I have 10 miles under belt I'm ready for a new goal!!

~Doodlin'

The Moment I Became a Runner!

I hear it all the time "Oh, I run!" or "I'm a runner!"

My question is when did you become a runner?

At what point did you feel like you could label yourself as a runner?

I ask because I think I've had that feeling. I think I might be a runner.

My epiphany came after not running for a few days after having ran every other day for almost 3-months. Something was amiss. I just didn't feel right.

After lacing up again a few times a week I feel good again and whatever was amiss is no longer.

So....this is the moment a runner is born. Is this when I became a runner?

~Doodlin'

Finding the Balance

Finding balance between who I am with CF and who I am as a whole is difficult. Its hard to separate the two. For me, I think its a journey worth exploring.

As a whole I have many likes, interests, hobbies, aspirations, achievements and more. As a person with CF I also have many likes, interests, aspirations, achievements and more. Sometimes, the two overlap and the lines are blurred.

The older I get I'm realizing that in order to be able to accept and heal from the things in-which CF takes from me or causes me to experience I must understand who I am as a whole. Understanding this difference can help me fear CF less. Separating the two will allow me to not be over dramatic about something CF is imposing because I know/understand it doesn't matter to myself as a whole. You know, sort of like, you never knew you wanted to color until someone took away the crayons.

If CF were cured who would I be?

Things I know for sure is that I would still be a.....daughter, sister, wife, auntie, a friend, a lover of books, a sitcom junkie, a foodnetwork fanatic, a pasta-eating-machine, a brunette whose hair is curly, a freckle-faced 31 year old with blue eyes, and soooo much more.

Things I'm not sure I would be if I didn't have CF........ compassionate, driven, overly sensitive, passionate about healthy eating and exercise, a Christian, afraid of death, fearful of what the future "might" not hold, an understanding that life is too short to be taken for granted, and lots of other tidbits.

Its just sort of a weird phenomenon. Of course, CF has shaped who I am and how I maneuver thru life. That would be silly to think otherwise. But what parts of me are the CF and what parts are just plan old me?

Am I driven to run because of CF or would the logical order of who I am cause me to run at this age?

Am I overly sensitive to those hurting around me or living in poverty because on some level I understand suffering because of the CF or is this just another aspect of the core me?

Am I a person who gets lost in a good book because of spending countless hours sick in bed because of CF or is this too just another part of the core me?

I don't know.

I don't know if I'll ever truly 100% know.

I have a hunch that when this life is over is when I'll know.

But I'll never stop exploring and trying to understand how CF has affected me and what parts are just me.

Maybe CF's influence isn't all bad or shouldn't be viewed in a negative light. I would venture to say some parts of having CF have made me a better person.

~Doodlin'

Huckleberry 10K= ACHIEVED

I am so proud of myself. Going into this 10K training I knew it would be challenging and exhausting but I never gave up, even on the difficult days. I held myself accountable every step of the way and it feels sooo good to announce that I accomplished what I set out to do.

The Huckleberry 10K & Half Marathon was a beautiful route. The temperature was perfect; cool in the morning but slowly warmed up as the sun came up. The route was a paved surface which is what I had predominately trained on. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better set up and conditions.

As we stood at the start line waiting for the horn to blow announcing our start I had to swallow back tears. So many emotions ran thru me. Jubilation that I'm even able to "think" of taking on such a goal. Guilt for being this healthy while many of my friends have passed away or are in a serious battle for life. Sadness for my friends who have passed, that they didn't get a fair chance or the opportunity to breathe so deeply or simply run. I don't just run for myself but for those who can't or couldn't. I feel that I owe it to them to try and not waste my good health and in addition so that I don't look back when my health is failing wishing I had done it.

As we passed the start line we paid close attention to our pace. It's very easy to get caught up in the joy and energy of those around you and run to fast too soon. We wanted to keep a 10:30-11 minute mile, which we do a pretty darn good job regulating. As the first mile came and went we started to separate from the masses to settle into a comfortable pace. At the first water station we stopped to take our long-sleeve shirts off and sip some water. As mile 2 came I was excitedly thinking "nice, only 4 more to go" but in mile 3.5-4.5 its mostly all uphill. A gradual hill, which is almost worst than a quick steep hill, as it drags on and on and on. At a few points, I had to stop running and lundge up the hill so that I could catch my breath. I can't remember but we did stop for water another 2x, which we walked for about 30 seconds afterwards. The hill just kept going and going and my mother-in-law was second guessing if the route was accurate because our gps watches were telling us we were half-way yet we were still running away from the start and not towards. I told her that either way at the top I was turning around, I am not prepared to run farther than the 6.2 miles. Shortly, after we saw the turnaround point but we both were still a bit confused about the distance. At the last water station which was at the bottom of the hill the water-lady said we had one more mile and I was astonished because my garmin gps watch was telling me something different. We then began the climb of another yet shorter hill but on the backside I started to notice signs of the finish line. Here I was preparing myself for another mile roughly yet the finish line was just seconds away. For the record, the route was correct, they routed us a different way back that was shorted. I was amazed. I was feeling tired but overall pretty good.

As we came a-crossed the finish, Big Foot was there to celebrate our arrival. I gave him a high-five, got my finisher's metal and a water then as  I was walking off the emotions overflowed and I had a moment of ugly crying. Its still hard to reconcile that I actually did it. That at 31 years of age with Cystic Fibrosis I ran 6.2 miles in a very respectable timeframe.

My official time:

Things I've learned about myself:

1) When I truly put my heart and mind into something, the results are amazing.
2) My body might have some limitations but its still miraculous.
3) Having CF has been a blessing by which it forces me to act now and not take life for granted.
4) Nothing is impossible, cliche but true!
5) My inner strength is a force to be respected.

~Doodlin'

Exhaustion Is Setting In

All this training and working out is exhausting. Not just the act of working my body but the planning my days to incorporate the workouts. When I thought about preparing for a 10k I thought it would be great to do so during the summer. I figured it would force me to get outside to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. I am doing just that; enjoying the fresh air and sunshine, but I'm over the heat. The air is fabulous on my lungs, my spirit and makes me feel refreshed. The sunshine is giving me that sun-kissed glow and it brings out my freckles. But the heat. It's too much. I've adjusted my training schedule and life to allow me to get up and run between 5:30am- 6am. I'm an early riser but to be up, awake and ready to run is a different story. It makes for an extremely long day. I forgo my morning neb treatments until after I get back from my run just to save time and beat the sun. The entire thing is exhausting. I'm rethink attempting such a task during summer. Winter is looking mighty appealing.

We recently bought a portable A/C unit but with all my medical stuff and the dog kennels we can't fit it into our bedroom. It does work greatly in the guest room, so we've sort set up shop in there on the nights when it doesn't cool down enough to sleep comfortably. Flopping between two different beds is probably a contributing factor to my exhaustion.

While I'm exhausted I'm oddly simultaneously on cloud nine. I'm setting goals, achieving them and that feels great. Better than great; amazing. It makes heading to bed a 7:30pm and crawling out at 5am worth it. The sacrifice is so worth it. My overall health is better for it.

The behemoth task of incorporating a workout routine or training schedule feels overwhelmingly impossible and too consuming. Not gonna lie, there are days when it just feels like too much or that I'm pushing my body too hard, but pushing thru those feelings is what makes me feel like I'm actually making a difference in my health and progressing in my training. I've mentioned in my workout updates that I went into this knowing that I would be making adjustments along the way and that just because the schedule "says" I'm gonna run x-miles I might actually do something less than what's planned. I'm okay with that. As long as I do  something I know I'm not taking steps backwards.

My 10K is this Saturday and I'm taking Thursday and Friday off. No running. I will be stretching and walking the dogs. I'm eager to check this goal off and move on to the next. I keep joking that after the run Saturday I'm gonna sleep the rest of the day and Sunday too!!

The upside to this type of exhaustion is that its from getting my body in-shape not because I'm sick and my body is worn down from crudeness.

~Doodlin'

Workout Update #4 & #5

The last training update I gave was for weeks #2 & #3, which week #3 was a difficult week to get thru.  You can read why here.

Week #4 was SO much easier. I'm not certain if it was because of how much I struggled the previous week or if it was because week #4 was a recovery week. Recovery weeks are designed to maintain what you've built up to but not push for further gain. In essence, you sort of stay right where you were with the hopes of what was once hard is now easier and allow your body time to adjust and heal. For week #4's Saturday run I opted to ride my bike 8.5 miles to the park to play with my niece and nephew instead. I'm glad I did because it didn't feel like training. I was simply using a different method of transportation to go see some cute kiddos. I've said this before and I'll say it again, training is 90% mental and 10% muscle. The bike ride was the perfect mental distraction yet it was quit strenuous.

A little r&r on the marry-go-round was the perfect reward for all that biking!

Week #5 was also fairly easy. No real hiccups. In fact, I added yet another element of jogging/lunging a nasty hill on Monday. The hill is nearly a little over a quarter mile long with an elevation gain of approximately 500ft. My goal was to go down and up 3x, I made it 2x because my calf muscles were screaming in pain. but after doing lots of stretching and rolling my muscles with a foam roll Tuesday's run (run 20/walk 2/run 20) was a piece of cake, and Thursday's run (run 25 min) didn't even feel like a run.

I guess I'm making advancements slowly. I was beginning to get frustrated because week #3 really had me feeling like I was in terrible shape and that I wasn't making an improvements. But its in those really hard weeks when you don't give up that you make the most impact. It makes what used to seem hard actually easy or no big deal.

This week I'm feeling accomplished and pleased with my overall training. I look forward to next weeks workouts and the CF Cycle for Life.

~Doodlin'