Delayed Goals

Ever since running the 10-mile portion of the Newport Half Marathon last September I've had my heart set on completing a full half marathon. In late November I found one that was close to home with a very appealing course-so I signed up!

I had no expectations on meeting a personal record or anything more than simply running and completing on my own accord. Thru out winter I had some ups and downs with my health which delayed training to some degree but nothing that was so severe that I thought I would have to place this goal on hold.

However, in April I found myself faced with a difficult decision whilst sitting in a clinic room. A trip to the hospital in hopes to stabilize or regain lost lung function or delay said hospital stay until after the half marathon. It might sound like a no brainer to some but for me it was a decision that took me 24-hours to make after consulting my husband.

You see I have a dream to run 13.1 miles. I don't know if this will be my only chance. I don't know if I'll find myself in a dire health situation that would cause me to not be able to ever accomplish this dream. However, the hospital... the medications... the treatment... will all be there should I choose to delay by two weeks.

I just wanted to be able to put my dreams first instead of my health. I get so tired of having CF come before nearly everything. I wanted it just this one time....

With that being said, living as long as possible in as good as health as possible for my husband, my mom, my brother, my dearest friends- is and will always be more important than any race or run. The high of accomplishing this small dream is nothing in comparison to all the amazing things those in my life bring me. I want to be around and healthy enough to enjoy life with them. So, just 24-hours after being in clinic I had my bags packed for the hospital.

I had made a game play to run/walk the Hippie Chick Half on Saturday, May 10, 2014. As the date quickly approached I began to become aware of just how weak my body was from being sick. The night before the run I made a call to not participate in any fashion. With my bodies weak form coupled with uncertain weather conditions I felt it was too much to risk this early after hospitalization and home IV's.

My dream is not crushed. Its simply delayed. My spirit is not broken just a bit bummed.

I will accomplished 13.1 miles!

~Doodlin'

Great Strides 2014

Team Kari Doodlin' had a rocking year this go around. Our team fundraising goal was $750 and as of yesterday we at sitting at $1085. We've officially been Team Kari Doodlin' for two years now and we're the little team that could. We hope to raise the bar each year in both team members and donations raised.

A huge THANK YOU to all who donated and all my amazing team members. The walk is always bittersweet; remembering those who have lost their battle while striding forward to help those who are still fighting.

~Doodlin'

What a Whirlwind

B and I moved into a brand new house that we've spent the past 5-months witnessing its construction. Its been stressful, its been fun and its thrilling to call it ours.

All the anticipation of moving into a beautiful new home has come and gone. We're starting to settle in and get back into a normal routine. During the great packing expedition I sort of lost my routine and felt off track for most of the last 2 months. I was keeping up on my treatments but my exercising was more sporadic than routine. Plus all the moving is down right physically exhausting, at least for me!

This week, though, I feel I'm gaining ground on rebuilding my routine. We're living in a new town which creates new opportunities for exploring new running routes. Since the home is new we still have a few finishing touches, like building a fence for our backyard. Until that is accomplished I have to walk the dogs a couple of times a day, which is as good for me as it is them.

This weekend is the MTJME 5K. I'm excited to run around my new little town for such a great cause. Then I'm only 4 weeks away from running my first Half-Marathon. I'm nervous that this move has greatly impacted my training but I'm still gonna make the attempt and if walking is what takes me over the finish line, then I'll take it.

I'm eager to leave the whirlwind behind and settle into life in the new place.

~Doodlin'

Something to Celebrate

I'm sure many of you get tired of hearing about me running. I'm sure many are asking the question "what's the big deal?" "how many times can someone be joyous about exercise?"......RIGHT?!

I ask the same questions and the answer never changes.

Because I can! 

Because someday I won't have the capacity to exercise!

I celebrate the simple fact that I can run, I can exercise, I can get down and push my bodies limits.

Almost daily, I read about someone with CF struggling to breathe. Daily, I read that someone I share a disease with has died.

When I'm running I feel alive. My muscles burn and my heart feels like its gonna leap from my chest but I feel so incredibly alive.

When I ache from CF I feel the exact opposite, I feel weary. Running gives me perspective and I celebrate that.

Each run- no matter the distance, gives me a reason to celebrate. I achieved my goal. Each successful training session is reason to celebrate. I can't tell you how many times I've been brought to tears just because I accomplish my training goal, there is no feeling like being alive.

What's your reason to celebrate?

~Doodlin'

Honored! Top 35 CF Blogs

I'm so honored that someone has placed me and this space where my thoughts become words as worthy enough to nominate as one of the Top 35 CF Blogs.

I started this space for therapeutic purposes but it has slowly transformed into so much more. Just as this blog has transformed so have I. I've realized the power of turning pain into purpose, strive into success and sadness into beauty.

My greatest goal for this space is to inspire my readers and fellow CF'ers to see this disease differently than the heartbreak it often brings. To see the humanity in it.

Thank you ALL, I'm tremendously honored.

~Doodlin'

5K Ghost Runner for More Than Just Me Foundation

On April 12th, 2014 I will be running a 5K around my neighborhood as a ghost runner for the More Than Just Me Foundation. I'm sure your wondering a few things.... Whats a ghost runner? What is the More Than Just Me Foundation?

The More Than Just Me Foundation (MTJM) is a great organization set up to help those with CF and their families. This foundation differs from the CF Foundation in that they support the patient and families directly rather than through funding research. Both aspects are equally important. MTJM is an active approach to assisting those in need.

Click here for more info on MTJM 

MTJM is hosting a 5k run in Florida, but since I'm in Oregon I will be running as a "ghost runner"; meaning I'll just run my little 5K anywhere that is convenient while others run in Florida. I'm seeking pledges in hopes to help those who are struggling with the financial side of CF related care. If you'd like to make a pledge to my campaign please click the link below:

More Than Just Me 5K-Pledge

I truly do think its important to support those who are struggling to pay for care. We can create new medications or new technologies to make life easier but if those who need it can't access them because of barriers such as finances then what good are they?

I look forward to seeing how much we can secure together. I'll be putting my feet to the asphalt along with $25 of my own dollars. Won't you help me help others with a $5 pledge? It's easy and only takes a few seconds: PLEDGE

~Doodlin'

What to say?!

CF is such a funny disease. Ok, not really humorous but fascinating. Its the only disease that affects and attacks every single part of the body. Lungs, pancreas, kidneys, blood sugar, sinuses, heart, reproductive system, vitamin levels, and disfigures the fingers and toes.

You know the saying "when it rains it pours?" That saying is perfect for CF, because if one thing happens it creates a cascade affect. CF isn't like most. Once you think you know whats going on and feel as though you've got a grip its all taken right out from under your fingertips. We are constantly playing a guessing game. Dealing with and sorting through a million layers of issues.

It's felt like its pouring over here for some time now. The worst part is the feeling of being alone or that no one really understands the struggle. It seems that all anyone can say is "I am sorry" or "I know exactly how you feel" which if I'm honest is complete crap. How could you?  I get that they're trying to be empathic but the reality is that you don't know and by saying you do minimizes what I'm struggling with.

I get that its difficult to find the right words to say to someone like me. Sometimes saying nothing is SO much more powerful than a book full of words. Having someone to just listen to me, without giving advice or placing judgement, is just what's needed. I can't tell you how many times in my 31 years I've heard someone tell me "it'll all work out" or "just stay positive"; as if I'm not already doing everything I know to remain positive.

The best thing you can do to support me is take a step back, breathe and listen. I just need someone to hear me, to lend an ear and possibly a shoulder.

If you have someone close to you who is dealing with some hard medical stuff below are a few things to avoid saying.

But you don't look sick: People expect sick people to look a certain way, but 96% of chronic illness and disabilities are invisible.

You need to think positive: Um, this is just crappy. If positive thinking would cure us, we wouldn't spend billions on toxic meds and doctors. This also indicates that it's our fault we're sick because we just aren't thinking positively enough.

Get well soon: HA!

You're just depressed: Depression cannot be described as 'just depressed'; its much more than that. It's the worst feeling in the world.

You just need to take you mind off being sick: That's just not gonna happen and not helpful. The disease is apart of you. Keeping my mind on my illness is what is keeping me alive. I've got medications to remember, doctors appointments to attend, etc. It's an ingrained part of me.

You need to be strong: The strongest person in the world will have bad days. We all do, because we're human and we need to let our feeling out.

Remember, if your struggling for words you don't have to speak. We humans have many levels of communicating.  A loving smile. A soft but grounded hug. Lending our ears or shoulders.

I'm looking forward to dry soil.

~Doodlin'