As a CF'er who is married and has been contemplating raising children with my spouse I know exactly how it feels to be judged on whether we are fit to parent based on health. However, I seem to have a lot of "conditions" for parents with CF. Things like, what's their individual prognosis, are they pre or post transplant, how stable is the marital relationship, what's their financial situation, etc...etc...etc.. Maybe this stems from working with adoptive parents and knowing what scrutiny they go thru and thinking that maybe those with terminal diseases should go thru the same sort of thought process. But then when I take a step back to really think the issue thru I become appalled to think that my God given right to parent/mother is with conditions of my physical being rather than on my ability to love, nurture, discipline, tend to and teach.
There is much debate in the CF realm about whether a CF'er should raise children regardless of how they enter a family. To be completely honest, I have questioned this myself. Particularly with adoption. An adopted child has already experienced so much loss in their small lifetime that subjecting them to the possibility, a high possibility I might add, that they'll experience another devastating loss is very unsettling to me. With a biological child the loss is still just as devastating but without all the background baggage/loss. This compounded with things like, is the CF'er married or are they single and attempting to raise a child alone and battle CF, what type of support system do they have in place.
There is little to no information out there about having CF and having children. I mean z.e.r.o. I feel like those who have braved the storm have so much to teach those of us who really need some answers or at least a road map of sorts on how to find information.
How does one decide? What if we choose adoption and are never chosen or are declined due to my health. What if we become pregnant and shortly after I pass away leaving my husband devastated by loss with a new baby to raise? What if... what if....
Is anyone guaranteed a specific amount of time?
Normally, I would brush of all the 'what if'ing' and make my decision but this decision is huge. It affects not just two adults who can rationalize but also a potential child. A innocent child, who had no choice in the matter.
B and I said we would give it 5 years of marriage before we really thought about children. We are here as of Sept. 3rd. We are talking and the more we bring to the table the less we have answers for. Quite frankly, I don't know if we had all the answers that making this sort of decision would be easy because of how much unkown is really there. We'll never know the exact day/time of my passing until it happens, we don't know if a cure will be found in my lifetime, we don't know what medical advancements will come about that could make CF equivalent to asthma. The list goes on and on.......
We want to make a decision that is based on the most current information we possibly can and to fully be at peace with our decision. We are having genetic testing done to fully understand that aspect. I have done a few medical tests to understand how my body would handle pregnancy. Should we decided to forgo attempting to have children biologically we have found that domestic adoption is really our only route due all the requirement of international adoption and medical. Which doesn't turn us off to adoption in the least but places an aspect I am not familiar with which brings feelings of fear, having a birth mother pick which family their child goes to is really hard for me to swallow, it terrifies me that they might look over us because of the CF (after we have paid thousands).
Or, do we pray for peace in knowing that the two of us is enough.
Any insight is welcomed, whether you have CF or not.
There is much debate in the CF realm about whether a CF'er should raise children regardless of how they enter a family. To be completely honest, I have questioned this myself. Particularly with adoption. An adopted child has already experienced so much loss in their small lifetime that subjecting them to the possibility, a high possibility I might add, that they'll experience another devastating loss is very unsettling to me. With a biological child the loss is still just as devastating but without all the background baggage/loss. This compounded with things like, is the CF'er married or are they single and attempting to raise a child alone and battle CF, what type of support system do they have in place.
There is little to no information out there about having CF and having children. I mean z.e.r.o. I feel like those who have braved the storm have so much to teach those of us who really need some answers or at least a road map of sorts on how to find information.
How does one decide? What if we choose adoption and are never chosen or are declined due to my health. What if we become pregnant and shortly after I pass away leaving my husband devastated by loss with a new baby to raise? What if... what if....
Is anyone guaranteed a specific amount of time?
Normally, I would brush of all the 'what if'ing' and make my decision but this decision is huge. It affects not just two adults who can rationalize but also a potential child. A innocent child, who had no choice in the matter.
B and I said we would give it 5 years of marriage before we really thought about children. We are here as of Sept. 3rd. We are talking and the more we bring to the table the less we have answers for. Quite frankly, I don't know if we had all the answers that making this sort of decision would be easy because of how much unkown is really there. We'll never know the exact day/time of my passing until it happens, we don't know if a cure will be found in my lifetime, we don't know what medical advancements will come about that could make CF equivalent to asthma. The list goes on and on.......
We want to make a decision that is based on the most current information we possibly can and to fully be at peace with our decision. We are having genetic testing done to fully understand that aspect. I have done a few medical tests to understand how my body would handle pregnancy. Should we decided to forgo attempting to have children biologically we have found that domestic adoption is really our only route due all the requirement of international adoption and medical. Which doesn't turn us off to adoption in the least but places an aspect I am not familiar with which brings feelings of fear, having a birth mother pick which family their child goes to is really hard for me to swallow, it terrifies me that they might look over us because of the CF (after we have paid thousands).
Or, do we pray for peace in knowing that the two of us is enough.
Any insight is welcomed, whether you have CF or not.
