Grab Bag

This summer is flying by. I am in complete and utter disbelief that it's nearly August. Summer is ALWAYS a busy season for us. So much fun stuff to take advantage of before the rains dampen the soil and our will-power to be outside very long.

WALKING

We have two dogs (beagles; who do not cry all-day) and I love that I can take them for longer walks. Walking helps me clear my head. Running not so much because I have to remain focused. But walking thru the neighborhood or picking a Pac Northwest trail is super relaxing. The dogs help keep me motivated, if the truth be known. I start to feel bad that their inside so much, so I force myself, even when I feel crummy, to take them outside for a walk. Plus they love me a little bit more because of it.

BACKPACKING

B is working night and day it seems. We are looking forward to when this particular project is completed so that he can take a few days of R&R. We are planning our very first backpacking trip and I couldn't be more excited about it.

We haven't done any over-night hiking or camping since before I got my feeding tube. We are way past due for an adventure. A few years ago we purchased a full-fledge hiking pack for me, which has been collecting dust. Today, we took it out and started day dreaming of all the cool camping/packing items along with their estimated weight for me to carry lug thru the Deschutes National Forest. I am simply beside myself with excitement so much so that I wore it around, like I used to wear my new school clothes, for nearly 2 hours. My excuse for looking like a fool was that it's better to test it here at home, then in the middle of the woods!!

I am a list maker and this backpacking trip has me making a list at least a mile long if not longer. The one thing B said I forgot was my nebulizer meds, I am working extremely hard with compliance. We both quickly realized that in order to do the nebulizer meds and remain complaint I would need to bring my nebulizer which requires plugging into a outlet for power. UGG!! B, said he was very nervous about us traipsing thru the woods with only half my meds. So, I quickly got on the World Wide Web and found this awesome battery operated nebulizer machine. 

It's all tiny and cute and perfect. Living in today's world is stinky amazing. I can go camping and do my treatments. This little sucker arrives at the end of the week and you best beat your bottom dollar I'll testing it out.

SEWING 

For my brithday my mother surprised me with a new sewing machine. This baby is way out of my league. It is intimidating. I sat down a few weeks ago and started another pillow case dress and quickly found out just how intricate this little do-hicky is. The dang thing can even embroider letters. I learned the slow-sew-by-hand-method of embroidering for which I still do from time to time, but this sew it in zero-point-two-seconds thing is awesome. Now I really need to get my self registered for some sewing classes at the local fabric store down the road, because as much as I am in awe of this new piece of fun I am terrified of it, in fact it took me almost 2 hours to figure out how to use the back-stitch button!!

PURGING, CLEANING and BOXING-IT-UP 

I don't have a single clue as to what got into me today. I started the morning out with a cup of coffee and thought I would start picking up the office. Our desk gets cluttered with mail that I hate avoid opening. It started with just clearing the desk, then work its way into cleaning up the closet which lead to making piles of: keep, give away, throw away. By the time I realized what my Saturday turned into I had gone thru 3 rooms. Leaving 2 trash bags to throw out, 3 boxes to give away and probably too much stuff kept. I was thinking about driving down to the local donation center but remember that some friends are having garage sales this summer to raise moola for their second adoption. They also have a site to buy some cute stuff. Check it out: The Hall-Closet or you can buy coffee and the proceeds help bring their child closer to a family: Coffee to Bring Little Bird Home

QUOTE ON MY STICKY PAD TODAY

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile" - Unknown

~Doodlin'

Courage: Needing More of It

Courage......

to be me (unmuted or muted)
to love freely
to graciously ask for help
to be open minded
to walk in outward faith
to seek my dreams
to change my course, as I deem fit
to not let the nay-sayers have power
to open my Bible and be fullfilled
to forgive those who have hurt me
to see each day, each new experience, each encounter as chalked full of pleasantries

This courage thing is something I see dripping from others, or maybe it's an illusion I paste on them. Maybe each of us exudes courage in some areas of life but not all. Maybe having CF has allowed me the privelege of understanding where I am not courageous, where I am most vulnerable. Or maybe having CF has clouded my sights and in that fog I see being vulnerable as a state of not being courageous.

Sometimes, for a split nano-second, the burden is too heavy. Other times, it seems so burdenless, so easy, so fluid, so natural. But those nano-seconds, phew, it's for those seconds I seek courage.

~Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'

~Doodlin'

Timbers' Bendik Named MLS W.O.R.K.S Humanitarian of July

I came acrossed this article and it had me yelling "Right On!" so I thought I should share it with you all. Whenever someone in the spotlight does something good or helps someone besides themselves it is news worthy. Plus I happen to biased in regards to the charity and topic in which Bendik is supporting. Below is a snippet of the article but please do read the entire write-up it will make you smile....

You see, Gavin has cystic fibrosis and Bendik, the Portland Timbers backup goalkeeper, has used his notoriety as a professional soccer player to support the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. It’s a passion that has led Bendik to raise close to $3,000 through the Portland chapter of Team Gavin as a part of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation’s Great Strides National Walk Event.

Those efforts have earned him the MLS W.O.R.K.S. Humanitarian of the Month award for July.Bendik and a handful of teammates participated in the May 19 Great Strides event at Oaks Park Amusement Park or donated gear to show their support. Along with the money generated at the local event, Team Gavin raised more than $30,000 nationwide.

“It’s good to see how the Timbers and the whole community in Portland came out and were full on behind us,” Bendik said. “It was awesome. The team is all pretty hyped about it, and we’re going to do it next year.”

Read the full article here: http://www.portlandtimbers.com/news/2012/07/timbers-bendik-named-mls-works-humanitarian-july

~Doodlin'

Pain into Purpose

The entire purpose behind this blog is to turn pain into purpose. To be inspired by pain. Any pain. Emotional or physical pain. While this sounds easy enough it actually has proven to be some what of a difficult thing to accomplish.

You see, I am a person who is incredibly sensitive. I become emotional very easily. I am ridiculously loyal and have been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve, which leaves it very exposed.  I am not one of those eternally optimistic individuals. I have to work at seeing the glass half full most of the time. This process of turning pain into purpose is something I have to work at, it doesn't come easily or naturally for me.

I could sit and be angry with God or the world. I could feel sorry for myself. I could let my disease control me. But I don't want to. I strive not to. I really wish I was eternally optimistic. I need to find inspiration within the pain.

I can tell you one thing; my faith in Christ has allowed me to see the purpose. My purpose has always been right in front of my nose but it is Christ who has opened my eyes to see it. After years of struggling with finding a purpose I am beginning to see my purpose.

I was beautifully made to be sensitive. Sensitive to the pain of others and myself so that I might be moved sooth the pain. To be inspired to alleviate, understand or transform pain. Much of my personal pain I have pushed into the deep dark depths of my soul. Only of late am I working to dredge it up, pay attention to it, give it a voice so that it can be transformed into something beautiful.

Something to make the world a better place. Something to be proud about. Something others can love. Something others see as inspiring. To give hope to those whose pain is ugly and buried deep; that it might be made into something much more.

~Doodlin'

30 Year Reflections: Part I

PART I

You know the old saying "don't wish time away because it will get away from you" well there is a reason for some sayings. There is truth to it. I simply can't believe I am standing on 30's door step.

It feels like just a short few years ago I was eagerly anticipating starting Junior High (middle school). I remember all the friends I made in elementray and how we or most of us were transfering to the same junior high. I was starting to get a bit boy crazy, in fact I had developed a crush on a certain someone who held my hand at our end of the year 5th grade party. I remember some fantastic games of wall-ball, tether-ball, four square and all the great tricks I had learned on the monkey bars.

Ah, the simplicity of those years.

I also remember another story. A story of many missed school days. A plot that included many many days/nights in a hospital bed, wishing I could be outside playing with my friends. A story that includes children being mean, making fun of me and down-right harrassing me all because I had CF. A disease they didn't grasp and a disease that their parents didn't want to take the time to understand thus influencing their children's mean spirited ignorance. But I was 10. I was a mere child whose feeling where deeply hurt because I couldn't understand the hatred, the meanness, the fear they held.

Ah, the simple-complexity of those years.

Time marked on. Much of the time without me knowing. One thing that I can say for myself is that time is a great healer. Many of those children who were mean, started to learn (though school and their parents) that CF wasn't scary. Wasn't something they needed to fear. Some became my friends.

My health also started to make a small but miraculous changes for the better. The medical advancements were starting to really take a running start. Many drugs were introduced that dramatically changed the quality of life for so many. I was begining to participate in school sports. I was able to do so much more than I ever had before. The trips to the hospital became less frequent.

While I was becoming more of a teenage and leaving behind more and more of my child-like behaviors, some truths remained etched on my soul.

Early death. succumbing to an terminal illness.

While I knew God, I didn't believe Him or trust Him. Not yet anyways. I also didn't believe that the new drugs that were currently making me feel like a rock star would last or have any bearing on my longevity.

I was a difficult person a lot of the time. But a few folks never left me. They never gave up on me. Even when I began to sabotage the relationships they pushed forward, they carried the strength for me, they saw past the rough exterior.

If I knew then what I know today, I would not have let time just march on by.

~Doodlin'

Am I An Expert?!

Am I an expert? Nope. Not even in the field of CF or diabetes or arthritis or patient advocacy or anything for that matter. I do have more knowledge than some on these and other various topics. Why? Because I walk in the trenches of the disease and areas surrounding the disease.

Every. Single. Day.

Just like someone with straight hair understands the difficulty of attempting to curl it. Does this mean they understand every core aspect of everyone who has straight hair? Nope. But I am sure they have an opinion on what hair products seem to work better than other, why? from experience.

So, dear nay-sayers, while I am not an expert (nor have I ever claimed to be) I do have an opinion whose foundation is fairly strong because of my experience because my reality is CF, is diabetes, is arthritis, is patient advocacy 24/7 and all things that intermingle between it all.

It is hurtful when those very close to you judge how your handling your disease(s). When they assume and treat you as though you are ignorant in the topics surrounding your disease(s) only to use their perceived assumptions against you. To call you names, to run your entire existence in the mud, to make an already difficult life (at times) even more difficult. We do the best we can with the information given to us. Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we mess up. But please don't think we are ignorant or unknowing because dear one we spend thousands and thousands to get expert advise. We are treated by some of the most brilliant people in the world.

We would be in a better a place if you could support us. Help us. Encourage us. Promote healthy two-sided conversations. Until that day comes all I can do is forgive your nasty words. Rise above to a better place and hope for a better encounter next time.

~Doodlin'

Thankful Thursday: Cooking with Love

I am so thankful that I was able to learn the basics of cooking from a wonderfully loving individual; Nana. She alone shall be accredited to teaching me many lessons on preparing food. Her taste in food is   heavy southern comfort meals that I loved to eat growing up. I still crave those comfort meals and still prepare them every once in awhile. But more importantly what she transferred to me was a love of preparing wholesome meals for my loved ones.

I believe this is the most magical ingredient of all. Adding love to any dish will surely be a hit. Since B and I got married I have enjoyed cooking for him. I delight in seeing his face after a long arduous day at work as he walks in the door to smell another one of my creations. I secretly think he dreams about what dinner will be each night. I love watching him inhale the plate of food. I love that I am in some small way not only satisfying his hunger but helping be the best him he can be by giving a healthy meal. We, of course, have our guilty pleasures that we indulge in now and then.

I have really been pushing the boundaries of my cooking abilities. I am venturing into unknown territories. This brings some frustration when the dish doesn't turn out like I think it should or how the picture of the recipe looks, but its fun.

Surprisingly to most, B loves to cook. He loves food. He loves trying new things and he's awesome at giving feedback. A lot of times we pick out new recipes together and work together on Sunday's to prepare the meal. Such a great way to spend quality time together.

Cooking with love is something I am beyond grateful that Nana passed down to me.

Off to cook dinner.

~Doodlin'