Finding balance between who I am with CF and who I am as a whole is difficult. Its hard to separate the two. For me, I think its a journey worth exploring.
As a whole I have many likes, interests, hobbies, aspirations, achievements and more. As a person with CF I also have many likes, interests, aspirations, achievements and more. Sometimes, the two overlap and the lines are blurred.
The older I get I'm realizing that in order to be able to accept and heal from the things in-which CF takes from me or causes me to experience I must understand who I am as a whole. Understanding this difference can help me fear CF less. Separating the two will allow me to not be over dramatic about something CF is imposing because I know/understand it doesn't matter to myself as a whole. You know, sort of like, you never knew you wanted to color until someone took away the crayons.
If CF were cured who would I be?
Things I know for sure is that I would still be a.....daughter, sister, wife, auntie, a friend, a lover of books, a sitcom junkie, a foodnetwork fanatic, a pasta-eating-machine, a brunette whose hair is curly, a freckle-faced 31 year old with blue eyes, and soooo much more.
Things I'm not sure I would be if I didn't have CF........ compassionate, driven, overly sensitive, passionate about healthy eating and exercise, a Christian, afraid of death, fearful of what the future "might" not hold, an understanding that life is too short to be taken for granted, and lots of other tidbits.
Its just sort of a weird phenomenon. Of course, CF has shaped who I am and how I maneuver thru life. That would be silly to think otherwise. But what parts of me are the CF and what parts are just plan old me?
Am I driven to run because of CF or would the logical order of who I am cause me to run at this age?
Am I overly sensitive to those hurting around me or living in poverty because on some level I understand suffering because of the CF or is this just another aspect of the core me?
Am I a person who gets lost in a good book because of spending countless hours sick in bed because of CF or is this too just another part of the core me?
I don't know.
I don't know if I'll ever truly 100% know.
I have a hunch that when this life is over is when I'll know.
But I'll never stop exploring and trying to understand how CF has affected me and what parts are just me.
Maybe CF's influence isn't all bad or shouldn't be viewed in a negative light. I would venture to say some parts of having CF have made me a better person.
~Doodlin'
As a whole I have many likes, interests, hobbies, aspirations, achievements and more. As a person with CF I also have many likes, interests, aspirations, achievements and more. Sometimes, the two overlap and the lines are blurred.
The older I get I'm realizing that in order to be able to accept and heal from the things in-which CF takes from me or causes me to experience I must understand who I am as a whole. Understanding this difference can help me fear CF less. Separating the two will allow me to not be over dramatic about something CF is imposing because I know/understand it doesn't matter to myself as a whole. You know, sort of like, you never knew you wanted to color until someone took away the crayons.
If CF were cured who would I be?
Things I know for sure is that I would still be a.....daughter, sister, wife, auntie, a friend, a lover of books, a sitcom junkie, a foodnetwork fanatic, a pasta-eating-machine, a brunette whose hair is curly, a freckle-faced 31 year old with blue eyes, and soooo much more.
Things I'm not sure I would be if I didn't have CF........ compassionate, driven, overly sensitive, passionate about healthy eating and exercise, a Christian, afraid of death, fearful of what the future "might" not hold, an understanding that life is too short to be taken for granted, and lots of other tidbits.
Its just sort of a weird phenomenon. Of course, CF has shaped who I am and how I maneuver thru life. That would be silly to think otherwise. But what parts of me are the CF and what parts are just plan old me?
Am I driven to run because of CF or would the logical order of who I am cause me to run at this age?
Am I overly sensitive to those hurting around me or living in poverty because on some level I understand suffering because of the CF or is this just another aspect of the core me?
Am I a person who gets lost in a good book because of spending countless hours sick in bed because of CF or is this too just another part of the core me?
I don't know.
I don't know if I'll ever truly 100% know.
I have a hunch that when this life is over is when I'll know.
But I'll never stop exploring and trying to understand how CF has affected me and what parts are just me.
Maybe CF's influence isn't all bad or shouldn't be viewed in a negative light. I would venture to say some parts of having CF have made me a better person.
~Doodlin'
So many things about ourselves we'll never understand for sure, right? Living in time, we have to go with the flow, ups and downs. It's interesting - and confusing! I like you - you're a cool person.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I love this post! I think about this kind of stuff all the time. :)
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