30 Year Reflections: Part I

PART I

You know the old saying "don't wish time away because it will get away from you" well there is a reason for some sayings. There is truth to it. I simply can't believe I am standing on 30's door step.

It feels like just a short few years ago I was eagerly anticipating starting Junior High (middle school). I remember all the friends I made in elementray and how we or most of us were transfering to the same junior high. I was starting to get a bit boy crazy, in fact I had developed a crush on a certain someone who held my hand at our end of the year 5th grade party. I remember some fantastic games of wall-ball, tether-ball, four square and all the great tricks I had learned on the monkey bars.

Ah, the simplicity of those years.

I also remember another story. A story of many missed school days. A plot that included many many days/nights in a hospital bed, wishing I could be outside playing with my friends. A story that includes children being mean, making fun of me and down-right harrassing me all because I had CF. A disease they didn't grasp and a disease that their parents didn't want to take the time to understand thus influencing their children's mean spirited ignorance. But I was 10. I was a mere child whose feeling where deeply hurt because I couldn't understand the hatred, the meanness, the fear they held.

Ah, the simple-complexity of those years.

Time marked on. Much of the time without me knowing. One thing that I can say for myself is that time is a great healer. Many of those children who were mean, started to learn (though school and their parents) that CF wasn't scary. Wasn't something they needed to fear. Some became my friends.

My health also started to make a small but miraculous changes for the better. The medical advancements were starting to really take a running start. Many drugs were introduced that dramatically changed the quality of life for so many. I was begining to participate in school sports. I was able to do so much more than I ever had before. The trips to the hospital became less frequent.

While I was becoming more of a teenage and leaving behind more and more of my child-like behaviors, some truths remained etched on my soul.

Early death. succumbing to an terminal illness.

While I knew God, I didn't believe Him or trust Him. Not yet anyways. I also didn't believe that the new drugs that were currently making me feel like a rock star would last or have any bearing on my longevity.

I was a difficult person a lot of the time. But a few folks never left me. They never gave up on me. Even when I began to sabotage the relationships they pushed forward, they carried the strength for me, they saw past the rough exterior.

If I knew then what I know today, I would not have let time just march on by.

~Doodlin'