This past week has been an exciting whirlwind. One of my biggest weaknesses is not knowing when to say "no." Generally, I get by but sometimes I over-book myself causing much unneeded stress. This week I did over-book but by Friday evening I was invigorated by all I had done. Yes, I was stressed just thinking about each day's to-do's, errands, meet & greets, volunteer commitments, etc...
I have been asked; why does having so much "good" stuff to do stress me out. Here is my answer. Each day brings different issues when dealing with a chronic illness. I never know if I'll have tummy issues and need to be close to a bathroom. I never know if my joints will ache causing me to move slowly or just plain out leaving me immobile. I never know if I'll wake up with chest pains, shortness of breath or some other aliment.
So, when making plans I always become nervous about whether or not I'll be able to keep my commitments. I have lost friends because they simply couldn't understand that as much as I want to do something, there are times when I can't even though I have committed.
Last Saturday I participated in the Oregon Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's Great Strides walk AND then I raced home to get ready to volunteer at the annual Ethiopia Orphan Relief's Lights of Hope auction. Both events people where depending on me. I couldn't cancel. These events benefited people/children who need it. It's events like this that I make up my mind to suck it up and power thru whatever pain/issue I maybe be experiencing. Each event was amazing. Meeting new people, hugging and catching up with old friends and making a difference in the lives of those who need and deserve it. This is why I power thru.
Come Sunday morning my body hurt. I had done too much. But my commitments were not over with. I thought long and hard about canceling Sunday's engagement. I am so glad I didn't. The hubs and I needed a calm date together and we got it free as a gift. How could I pass spending time with him?!
The rest of the week came and went. Each day having an errand to do, appointment of some sort to attend and just good old life happenings. I had a lunch date with a friend whom I haven't seen in months. Chatted with a friend who lives a few hours away after weeks of playing phone tag.
ALL good things. This morning I feel full. I feel sleepy but invigorated. I feel like not saying "no" worked this week. Please don't be offended if next week I use "no" a time or two.
Thanks for letting me have a small part in something. Thanks for excusing me when I simply can't.
~Doodlin'
I love this post! I am way too familiar with so much of what you write here. You can ask my husband... I cancelled one of our very first dates because I didn't feel well and needed to conserve my energy. I worry all the time that my friends feel like I'm just the biggest flake - between needing to take care of my limited resources and needing to stay away from germs, it can certainly make outings complicated! I'm glad that this time, you were able to do it all without too many ill consequences.
ReplyDeleteCindy- It REALLY is a balance. I find myself explaining this concept to "new" people (people who come into our close circle) I mostly don't want them to feel that I am canceling/rescheduling because of them or something they did. Sometimes they understand and other times they feel insecure about it. I have to remember that I can't fix their insecurities. All I can do is look out for myself and my family b/c my family does pay a price if I am sick or too tired to be an active participate as a family member.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I'm not alone. If you have any ideas on how to balance or how to explain this crazy situation to others, I am all ears.
Have you ever read the Spoon Theory?
Deletehttp://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/
I've used that to explain it to some people, and I often refer to my "spoons" around my close friends & family (and they do too). It's a good, concrete way to illustrate that my resources are so limited, and a way to "gauge" how much I might have at any given time.